Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
