you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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