once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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