Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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