well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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