I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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