How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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