I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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