Who did Billy Mays play for?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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