Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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