i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
