Small penises have feelings too.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
