I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
