A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
