me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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