Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
