I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
