Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
