When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
