my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
