he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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