Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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