how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
