just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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