Define "chronic" masturbator.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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