At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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