My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
