dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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