I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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