Moan for me like Helen Keller
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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