I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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