Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
How naked do you want me to be?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
