Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
