If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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