My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
