Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
