I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
