But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize