I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
