I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Alive.
So much puke
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
