Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
