the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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