she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
