I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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