I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
