did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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