Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Come share oat with me in your robe
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
