"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
