a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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