We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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