Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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