he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So much rum. So many feels.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And then he peed in my hair
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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