wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
