I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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