i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
