I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
