her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
