OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
