I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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