worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize