am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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