last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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