Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm really busy with my period
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