Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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