I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
