why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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