awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
