John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
