I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
