if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Houston, we have a blender
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
