Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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