it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
