sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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