I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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