if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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