Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize