At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
