At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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