Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
