so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
