so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
