it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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