Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
