we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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