so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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