Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
