I wish I could punch you in the face.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
