The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
