Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
