party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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