I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
