not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
