omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
