So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize