Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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