Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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