I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
