what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
