did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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