Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
