i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We named our party play list daddy issues
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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