It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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