just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
